These are my porcelain prototypes for the master molds of the resin dolls.
I made these a while back. Every now and then I pull up my spinning chair up to the tallest shelf in my studio and while wobbling precariously, I bring this case down to look at them for a few minutes. It’s become almost like a strange ritual of meditation.
I sit down at my desk, switch on the light and run my hands slowly, deliberately along the perimeter of the box until it feels right to open it. My thumbs find the two clasps on the front, I feel a moment of pressure and then two clicks, and the lid comes up while I behold the contents as they glow softly in the white light of my lamp. I observe that once bright violet, the foam fades and turns more and more yellow each time I open it. At first, I touch the parts lightly with my index finger, but then, having satisfied myself that they are truly there, I run the open palm of my hand over them all, feeling the topography of the body curves brushing against my skin. I slowly pull out a part and caress it lovingly with my fingers, turning it over this way and that, enjoying the pearly sensation of cool smoothness on my finger tips. Sometimes I smile to myself, feeling vaguely satisfied with my work. Other times, I notice mistakes and make mental notes on how to improve my technique.
I don’t worship my dolls. It’s not a ritual of self-congratulation and back-patting. The reason I take them out from time to time and sit over them quietly for a few minutes, is because incredibly, they hold memories of myself and my thoughts at the time of their creation. They are the like tree rings of my life. Tiny fragments of my past self documented in porcelain, captured inside its texture, and touching it allows me to access those long-gone moments. And it feels good to be able to revisit myself as I was then, and say: “Hey you, yeah you. You can do better than this. Now get back to work”.
On that note, I’m finally going to be making a new, Christmas batch of resin dolls next month, and those of you who are coming up next on the wait list will be notified within two weeks!
Stay tuned for more photos of ebay doll Daphne are in the next post.