Sketch of the week #19. Doodles and art school

10 years, 9 months ago 49


This is an old doodle from my Emily Carr days. During particularly boring periods of three hour long lectures in a semi-dark auditorium with a hundred and fifty other students scribbling notes around me, I would get distracted and start drawing random things. I’m sure many of my other fellow students did the very same thing.

At the time this sketch was made, I have not made a single porcelain doll, but my mind was heavily preoccupied with planning of how to go about making them: what I had to do, what I had to learn, what equipment I had to buy,  what my dolls should look like- stuff like that. For several months I just thought and thought and thought about it and sketched my thoughts out. These sketches appear to be dealing with doll’s accessories.

Oh, what a titillatingly uncertain and intimidating time of my life it was! I think most of young, fresh-out-of-high-school art students are terrified all throughout art school, because as they progress with their degree, they begin to realize that they are not being trained for any specific trade. While an accountant student became an accountant after school and a medical student became a doctor, an art student is a very confused creature in a very confusing situation because they don’t get a straightforward, this-is-what-you-will-be-doing-until-you-retire career training. Which in retrospect, is not such a bad thing. The feelings of incompetence and uselessness haunts most of art students at one point or another through their schooling. In 2nd and 3rd years most of us began to wonder why we’re paying so much money for a useless degree and how the hell are we going to survive.

This acute uncertainty and fear of the future is  the most vivid memory I have from my art school years. It was a very powerful, if hellish experience which I’m grateful for and which I probably wouldn’t choose to go through again. Well, maybe. If I had decided to go back and do a 2-3 year master’s degree at this point in my life, I probably would have a very different and a much more enjoyable and productive time in school than I did the first time around, because I wouldn’t have the element of fear of the future and lack of security. My career path is fairly determined and I think I would concentrate more on refining my creative thought, than trying to desperately devise a way to survive after I graduate. I’ve already been through all that.

Ultimately, an art degree is not useless. Its usefulness is like art itself- subjective and dependent on how much effort you put in it. Today, thinking back to those desperate, fear-filled days brings a smile to my face and a light pang of nostalgia to my heart.  I learned more than I ever thought I did. I am still only beginning to realize the full scope of what my seemingly-useless-at-the- time-art-education had given me.

Please feel free to write me and share your post secondary education experience. I would love to hear it.

49 Responses

  1. Leigh in ME says:

    I left high school early and got an equilency diploma because of a family tragedy.

    Because of this I could never attend any form of secondary school. Back then it depressed me, but as
    time passes I cannot count the number of friends and aquaintances who are saddled with a lofty
    degree and tens if not hundreds of thousands in debt.

    Now I could give a rat’s A$$ about a degree, but I could
    make you a laundery list of skills I would love to master that I could learn by attending art schools :(

  2. Sisri says:

    I to have an acute uncertainty and fear of the future, right now I’m attending the Academy of Art in San Francisco. Alto my school experience is slightly different as the Academy tries its hardest to “train” you in a certain field destined for a career path, I often find my self wondering if I’m going to “make it” once I’m out. There’s fierce competition in the bay area and alto the students here are great in encouraging one another we all are up against the big “what next”. I’m 28 still in school struggling to be what I’ve always dreamed to be. I think all artists have to go thru this right of passage it makes us stronger and allows us to tackle our passion with a fierce appetite pushing us to succeed.

    I think the hardest part for an artist is find their passion and concentrating on one area they want to excel at, you have obviously found your calling, and it’s a blessing that you can share it, your dolls bring so much joy to people of all around the world you truly have a gift.

  3. Acrylicana says:

    So interesting to read others’ thoughts on their experiences in art school. I was just having a conversation about it today with my dental hygienist (turns out a friend of hers attended the same institution I did).

    I agree that it’s subjective how much having that degree is really important within an artist’s career. I’ve known many who got their BFA and don’t really have much of a professional career to show for it (and some that do), while others who either didn’t finish their programs or just never attended and launched a body of work that’s notable in the world.

    It’s just interesting to me to see what really makes an artist excel at their craft is the artist. It’s their attitude on where and what they’re learning in life and how they use it later.

    I didn’t complete my degree — left because the cost was too high — but I learned SO much in terms of skill and just so much about myself and how I work.

    It seems to me that some people don’t get that — you learn all throughout your life. It’s beautiful to watch people develop. Whether it’s their skill or just level of passion within a subject.

    I had a professor who complained constantly about the institution he attended and how they didn’t prepare him enough for his first year after graduation. If only he could understand how fantastic it was that not only did he have 4 years of education at a rather good school (Ringling School of Design in florida), but that his first year contained a job in his field and he learned even more on top of that (and kept the job, a stable illustration gig, for years!). As if any school can prepare you for every instance of life. Madness.

  4. Amal says:

    In the UK, before a degree in Art & Design, you have to do a Foundation year… a very frustrating year (for me) in which you are supposed to ‘find’ ‘your’ ‘meduim’, but end up spending time studying modules that you may have little or no interest in. But, in it’s defence, it’s free!

    Then in Uni, it was the same hurdle – you can’t ‘specialise’ until the 3rd year. I learnt a great deal: animation, photography (I sucked at that), publishing (i.e. typography etc.)… but, by the third year, I think I had run out of momentum, having spent myself trying to do things that I didn’t really enjoy. I specialised in Illustration, but, as yet, haven’t made a career of it.

    Looking back, I think I probably shouldn’t have dismissed the Fine Art clan as weirdos and wannabes… because I’ve learned the hard way that Applied Arts (i.e. Illustration) is basically always going to mean making things for other people.

    That’s why I admire your career so much, because you are doing what you want to do – letting the market create itself!

  5. Amal says:

    Hehe, forgot to say – lovely sketches. I like the one in your gallery of different lanterns. Now, they’d look really cool cast in metal.

  6. Bella says:

    I understand what you were going through. My little sister goes to art school and will start art college this year. Her path is fairly determined too, she knows what she wants to do and how but the people around here either don’T seem to grasp that the school doesn’t decide how you’re going to end up or freak out about not knowing what to do afterwards.
    I, on the other hand, am studying biology. I love doing this and also know what I want to do further on, but just from University I would never have bein taught how to do serious scientific research! Luckily I managed to get into a research lab and work there for the last year, an experience for which I am more than grateful! But I seriously don’t know how other students, which want to be researcher, will cope…

  7. I wish I had your art education! I was into drawing and different crafts connected with fibers since I was a small child but I never had the courage to follow this path so I finished normal elementary and secondary schools, and then I studied English Philology at the University. During those years I’ve always had a pencil or a needle and thread in my hand, and a few years ago I started to create mixed media paitings, and at that point I realized I desperately lacked the knowledge of the media and techniques so I had to experiment myself with everything. Which is okay because I learned the best way possible – from my own trial & error, but sometimes I wish I went to an Art Uni and were taught by the experts. *^v^*

  8. Alexandra says:

    Марин, мне кажется через такой путь проходит любой человек, который действительно осознанно и сам делает выбор своей профессии.
    Будь то ученый или художник. И никогда мы не узнаем, чтобы было, если бы выбор был сделан иначе. Думаю, это прекрасно и немного волшебно.
    Я выбирала между художественным образованием и физическим. В итоге я выбрала второе. Но желание получить первое как второе высшее не прошло :) Может быть когда-то потом. Потому как сейчас мое время полностью занимает воспитание детей.

  9. AnLouieNoir says:

    I just started my Bachelor of Fine Arts last week and already I have learnt so much!
    I am loving that I only have one lecture (YAY!!!) and lots of workshops that teach you practical things I never would have dreamed of learning at high school (like mixing chromatic greys! I didnt even know there was such a thing before tuesday!) I also love my campus, which is situated in the South Bank Parklands in Brisbane, Australia. It has to have the best views and we are only a short walk from the state Galleries and Museum.
    I have to admit, when orientation came round, I didnt want to go, but now I am here I cant wait to get stuck into EVERYTHING and I cant wait to see where this takes me…

    Hopefully somewhere beautiful…

  10. alma says:

    I understand that feeling, but for me it stays with me all the time, because i live in mexico-oaxaca, a place dificult to live for the economics. So i have to do many other things, to stay doing my work. So when i read your news, i feel good, because there are other people wo make incredible art work, so i fell reconfortable, so when i see your dolls i think that its posible, maybe is more dificult but is posible go on.

  11. Марина says:

    Марина, прочитав вашу статью я узнала, для себя, что все студенты творческих профессий полны страхов о своем будующем, в независимости от их места жительства. Я заканчиваю Институт Искусств в Российском Профессонально-педагогическом университете (Екатеринбург)и тоже очень переживаю о том, что же я буду делать после окончания. Около года назад я увидела ваших кукол, это очень вдохновило меня на знакомство с этим видом творческой деятельности. Сейчас я работаю над второй своей куклой (возможно она будет шарнирной).

    Ваша работа действительно очень вдохновляет. Спасибо.

  12. Candice says:

    This is such a fabulous post. I had to read it aloud to my husband because we have just been talking about what you wrote about. I am in my second year of art school and he is graduating with his bachelor’s degree this spring and will be pursuing a graduate degree after that. At 31 however, we both feel behind the times. I definately struggle with where my art will take me. I have come to realize that a degree won’t be what will get me the job, but depending on where I go to school and what I study, a degree can open some more advanced doors for me, especially when in pursuit of a master’s degree eventually. I struggled during my first term because I took an art class that I felt was a waste of time. I challenged the teacher to explain how what she was teaching could be applied to a career in the art world, she did not have an answer for me. It frustrates me that many see art classes as just something “to do” with their spare time. I see it as a medical student would view their own classes, I am gathering skills to pursue a career in this field. Fortuanely I’ve been at the school long enough now to be able to pick out what will help me, and what won’t. I only wish the school system could help better, the art students I know have to make their own way. But somehow, it’s much more rewarding that way. I am lucky enough to be making some money in my art outside of school, so I know that it can be done, I just have to convince others that it’s possible! Thank you so much for doing your part in giving hope to those who can’t live without art, but just aren’t sure if it can still be done.

  13. Jayne Wourms says:

    It is so strange how life works… I was really surprised to find your blog today and how it relates so much to what our family is experiencing right now. My son completed two years of pre-med with an eye to becoming a doctor. He had to drop out last year as he became ill. He is registered to return in the fall of 2010 but he has since been diagnosed with a disease that make his dream of becoming a doctor absolutely impossible. He maybe has 4-5 years of mobility left and he is now thinking that he wants to try Art school. His future is already pretty well uncertain so now he has to chose a different path so he can go to art school and do whatever his little heart desires. Making a self supporting income is not a possibility at this point so it doesn’t have to enter the equation. It is heartbreaking and liberating all at the same time. He is a real make lemonade type of kid.

  14. Linda says:

    When I went to art school I knew what I wanted to do. Everything evolved around my chosen field. The teachers however were a bit freaked out by it. The fact that I knew what I wanted to do that is. They wanted me to keep a open mind. I told them of course I will however that will not change my course.
    I leanred everything I could. I am still learning. I mostly get frustrated about myself. Not enough hours in the day to do what I feel I need to do. I have to stop what I am doing because, oh ya, I have to eat. lol
    And of course when you become inspired by something you see and you, your mind is going a mile a minute….you cant get the ideas down fast enough. Or one idea leads to another to another.
    Those skills and study habits come into play from school. Its not a waste of time or money. Its your foundation you build on for what you love to do. Create!

  15. kelly says:

    I’ve been thinking about this for a few days… I went to Columbus College of Art and Design, and I felt it was a decent education with a great freshman foundation year of color, design, technique, etc. At the end of sophomore year I was pretty much tired of it all, I wanted to quit, but my friends and the teacher I worked under in the 3-D illustration lab threatened to go to my home and drag me back! I think it was at that point I realized all the career choices I had considered ( animation, children’s books, comics) didn’t seem as appealing anymore, (and fine arts terrified me- justify my work???) but if I quit, what else would I do? So I finished my four years. By the end I just wanted to leave! I ultimately blame myself for not finding a path for myself as an artist, for not asking the teachers in college more questions regarding careers, and for not being more dedicated to my work. I fell in love with my husband in the first year of school, and I devoted myself to him, we married after graduation and have had three amazingly smart and talented children. Was that the right path for me? Not for my art, for sure, I have not been able to devote the time or thought toward artwork. But my children are amazing and they need me to raise them. I think sometimes that I am like many of my family members who are very smart and even talented but who grew up in a small town and don’t have a view of a world in which they can be successful- that success is what other people have. I get very angry at myself for this- for allowing myself to hide from my potential, for selling myself short. I had some very supportive teachers at school who I think would have helped me more if I wouldn’t have been afraid to ask for more help , but I am so afraid of people, and I didn’t even know the right questions to ask at the time. I did tell my portfolio teacher senior year that I thought our business class was a joke, and he spent 5 minutes telling me why it was my fault if I didn’t get anything out of it. But it was the same intro to business class taught at the community college next door, it had nothing to do with art! I left left the class crying, that’s how well I deal with criticism. My husband and I tried to start a graphic design business but just didn’t have business know-how. He has a really good graphic design job now (with insurance) and I stay at home with my children. I feel that the most important thing I can do for their education is to use my education and model success and dedication for them. I’m trying to decide what medium and what subject matter really inspire me to create. I have been told since I was young that I am a very talented artist, and I have decided to start believing that! I am so sick of my low self- esteem. (And- that’s the short story).

    Marina, when I first saw your work, it hit me like a ton of bricks- that’s exactly what I want to do- JUST LIKE THAT! but alas, I cannot, I have to find my own thing. I am trying, and I couldn’t do what you do because my style won’t let me, my work always looks like… my work. Seeing your work has made me feel like I have such a small view of the possibilities of art- of medium, of subject matter, illustrating three dimensionally. You have such a gift, Marina, and you have awed so many people with your creativity, it’s such a joy to see your work.

  16. kelly says:

    That was way too long!

  17. Jayne Wourms says:

    Kelly, I really hope you don’t mind me commenting on your blog. I feel so much empathy for you and I don’t know your age, but life has a way of kicking you around and strengthen you. I too was a stay at home mum but with 4 little ones and I wouldn’t have said boo to a ghost. I apologized for everything and was too self-conscious to even be creative in a birthday card. Now, I truly believe that “to everything there is a season” and you will fight many times for your children like a mother bear and eventually you will be strong enough and you will find your bliss. It is just not the right time yet. When you explore other people’s art you are taking away with you a piece of a puzzle that when you have all the pieces and the time is right you too will be an artist. Good luck!

  18. Kamila says:

    I don’t know if all art students share thsese feelings, but I can tell you many of the ones around me do. I am in my final year of art college in Ireland. Frustration is my daily bread. Fear about the future, uncertainty, but also the fact you waste an AWFUL lot of time on useless activities (I see the point of some excercises, but some should really be optional). Another thing is, everybody’s trying to learn skills, but students are required to focus on the conceptual aspects of work. Problem is, we don’t have the workshop techniques to execute our ideas.

    Art education is not useless. Art is not useless. It serves a purpose in that society needs creative minds commenting on things and voicing opinions. Going through art school reqires (and teaches) dealing with stuff very different to what you expect. It can bring you down sometimes. But if you’re the right type of person for it, you’ll only get stronger. I developed and matured in ways I would have not anticipated over the last few years. The experience was not all butterflies and rainbows, but it was a valuable one. I cannot imagine having done anything different, in spite of everything.

  19. Luthien says:

    i left home at 17 and went on to travel around the U.S. hitchhiking and riding trains. i never went to college or finished high school, but i always wanted to. my sister went to to school for art and i’ve always been a bit jealous.

    now that i’ve settled down (8 years later) and i have a house, i can’t stop making art and it drives me mad! all the ideas in my head that i can’t make into reality. count your blessings because it’s really hard to actualize lofty artistic goals when you don’t know where to begin. i’m not interested in a degree, i just want to learn! all those little things that you art students take for granted, things that stop me up for weeks because i don’t know what gesso is or some such thing. or to have drawn from so many live models and boring exercises that all your faces are perfect… that’s what i want.

    i spend all my time creating by trial and error and i can’t help but think that if i had a solid base of knowledge and the money to buy the tools and supplies that i could be making a living off my art rather than treating it like a drug habit.

  20. Linda says:


    There is nothing wrong with learning through trail and error. I do not know what city you live in but seek out other artists. Craigslist may help you find where artists gather. Ask lots of questions. Go to art stores, festivals, gallery openings. Little by little you will learn. Sometimes when you make mistakes it turns into something FABULOUS! Never stop trying.
    Life seems to always get in the way, so it seems. Stick with it. Never give up Things will work out for you.
    I have been addicted to art for some 56 years now. Never have gotten tired of it. Been in and out of college and art school all my life. Theres always something new to learn. Always interesting people to talk to/learn from. Always a workshoop to take. Its never ending, I’m never bored and I cant wait to wake up in the morning to finish or start a project.
    I have had my bad times. My husband died and left me with 4 children to raise. I had to work outside the home. I had to raise my kids, they came first. I taught them art, crafty stuff. I always was doing something creative.
    Two years ago I came down with breast cancer. I am now just getting back into my creative thing. I think I appreciate it more now. And I dont care what people think. I create for me unless its a commission. lol
    My kids are all grown and out on their own… this is my time. Its never to late to spread your wings and go for it!

  21. I remember you mentioned that upon beginning your education at Emily Carr, one of the professors mentioned that only One out of the room full of students would actually go on to become an artist. We had exactly the same statement put to us on day one.

    I enjoyed art school. I did not find it traumatising. I went in knowing who I was, how I drew, what I wanted. I knew how I drew would not be found “acceptable” at a fine art institution, and would be considered “mere illustration”. I found the challenge to back up what I did, and why I did it thrilling, and helpful. I enjoyed feeling strong that I was different, had different goals, but was there to get a fine art background, and history under my belt. To use in my future.

    I had never heard of printmaking, I just thought I would take painting. It changed everything. I fell head over heels in love with copper and etching, and whilst I did not have any strong concepts, my training was orientated more towards getting the hang of these very old techniques.. all the detailed little steps involved, all the processes. Concepts would come later.
    The work I actually produced during art school is pretty laughable, but I learnt a lot that I can now put into practice. That’s what was important.

    And learning to get what you want, you have to not only really want it, but do everything in your power to get it,

  22. Luthien says:

    After I left my comment last night, I laid in bed for hours tossing and turning thinking various negative thoughts and I realized that the comment I left was so awful! While I do feel the lack from never going to art school, I also feel that I’m blessed with an amazing freedom that art students don’t have. When I tackle some new idea, I can be extremely inventive and create things that (if I had “proper training”) I might never have discovered otherwise!

    It’s mostly fun and exciting to explore art with nothing but the internet to guide me, but sometimes it’s a bummer and I get annoyed and write complainy comments on other people’s blogs :P

  23. Linny says:

    just dropping by and I read all these stories, I can relate, also a hungry artist. Studies help but so much is just natural, remembering how I had to convince my parents that I wanted to study art….what will you do was all they could come up with. But you know the hungry need is there and only after do you think oh my God how will I pay the bills? But starve or not it’s what we do. Somehow we find the jobs, art is everywhere and nowhere. These dolls are magical. What a birth you’ve shared. Good for you to find your outlet. We all have to keep working and discover our journey. I now have time again, my children are grown and I paint on my walls. Always finding outlets thru the years. Now my son is an artist and musician. We have to do this, do we have a choice?

  24. Candice says:


    No Linny, I don’t believe that we do have a choice. As far as I’m concerned, there’s no other way to be other than an artist. I wouldn’t be me otherwise.

    Marina, this is perhaps the most wonderful thread you have on here! I am moved and inspired and comforted by everyone’s stories. Thank you for offering this tiny glimpse into eachother’s hearts.

  25. Cay says:

    Hello Marina!

    I understand what you say. I admire your courage. After baccalaureate, I chose university to become an art professor and not Beaux Arts to become an artist, because I was fright at not having job. My studies learnt me a lot in history and in philosophy, but practical lessons were too empirical, it was necessary to manage alone. I was so very fright, because at the end of 5 years, only 2 % of students win competition. I was terrified that my certificates serve me in nothing. I achieved and I have a good life , but I have of to leave my practice in art for a long time, to do institutional art during my studies, and then, the time to learn my job. 10 years after baccalaureate, I begin again painting, finally! It is still complicated to find the time and I sometimes regret I shall not have learned things to ameliorate my art but I am happy to have lived this adventure…

  26. Linny says:

    Prehaps you will allow me to suggest some ideas that came to me as I dreamthinkimagine, something that happens to me when I am spellbound to a concept. These creatures of your imagination have floated along with me and I thought of them as Marionettes. The skillful jointing you have done could make these come even more to life.
    And again another idea would be to Grommet Paperdolls two sides with clothes and accessories for many more collectors to afford. You could even have a factory employing fellow artists to add to a staff of talents where all things could happen including movies. Thank you for letting me spill my guts…..not that you need me to suggest. Artists should help one another if possible. Becoming an Artist should be valued and protected course in life. If we are born to it, which is my personal belief, it should be encouraged to spring forth. I would not suggest that all Artists have work to sell but a condition to explore. Thank you again

  27. Eva says:

    I have a friend who I watched make her way through a MA in art and we talked a lot about how much of a disservice most schools do artists by not giving them proper buisiness background. By definition, if you’re going to be selling your own art you’re going to end up as a small buisness owner. Even if you go to a big city gallery, you need to understand contracts so you can protect your self. I think there is some sort of mistaken idea that these skills would get in the way of being creative,but it’s awful hard to be creative when you can’t buy supplies and haven’t eaten for a week…

    Personally, I’ve dabbled in art as a way to express myself for most of my life, but I’ve never felt the drive to be an artist full time. I know some people on here have expressed annoyance at “hobby” artists, but I took all sorts of things in school just because I could (theatrical pattern draping, linguistics, Japanese, drawing). It was partly about finding who I was and what I was good at in a supportive environment. I’m a professional computer programmer now, and I still sew costumes in my spare time. I wouldn’t give up that chance to translate my imagination into physical form for anything, even though it can somtimes be difficult and time consuming.

    There seems to be a common refrain on the comments here of folks who wish they had learned things or taken other opportunities. It’s not too late for you. It’s never too late to learn or to express youself. You can go back to school. You can teach yourself slowly in your spare time (libraries are free!). Anything you want to know is out there and you can get it. You have to be brave and willing to work for it. You have to be ready to fall a few times before you can fly, but if you’re patient and determined you’ll get there. :)

  28. Linny says:

    Eva I agree with you! I was Widowed at a young age while still a stay at home mother. I did all kinds of things, most of which had some link to art. One should step away from the drawing board and think more outside the box. Flower arranging, decorationing, Clothes, jewery, on and on. I was even an Audio Visual Artist at College developing film and making overhead transpariences. I was a chartmaker for a company doing graphics and hand lettering. I have done open houses and attend College classes still (I am a Young 57). I have done display art in retail and most recently set up a high end store choosing all decor from floor to ceiling. I have made Halloween costumes and entered juried shows where I have won MONEY! (and still didn’t need to sell the oil painting. I have studied with other Artists and even assisted my paint instructor in her own class! I have gone to schools and worked with children creating Art. So you see the opportunities are endless and when you love/need art you just do it whenever and wherever you can even if you have to do side jobs to support what you do.
    Step outside and just do “it”~!

  29. Jayne says:

    Thank you for your last sentence Linny xxxxx

  30. Linny says:

    Jayne~ What about your son looking into being an Art Therapist? God Bless your family xxx

  31. I am just graduating high school (Rosedale Height School of the Arts) next month in Toronto, Ontario. I’ve planned on taking a year off to refine my portfolio for college applications next year. The trouble is, I don’t know what to do with myself in the meantime. So many options with strings, you know? I have to decide what I’m good at-what I want to do career wise, how to make myself happy and keep myself busy. This is different from anything I’ve ever known before.
    You are a BIG inspiration to me artistically, and it makes me feel so much better that you struggled with these same feelings in school. I always look at my favourite artists and say, “Look at him. He was a prodigy before he was half my age.” It can be so disheartening.
    Anyways, I love love LOVE your dolls and your aesthetic. In these last few months I’ve wanted to be a baker, a psychologist, an art teacher, an illustrator, a cafe owner, an off-the-grid’er and a fashion photographer. When I came across you two years ago, i thought to myself, “THAT is what I want to be able to do.” And I still do. Thanks for affording me some clarity.
    You are the coolest.

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